evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
