Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
