My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
