we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
