My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
