Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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