you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
