well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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