Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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