It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They have beer where we have blood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
