So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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