In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
