3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
