you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
