4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
