Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
