Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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