How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
