if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
actually, I'm a sock model
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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