is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
