Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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