OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
