My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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