fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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