um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
