Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
