Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
