i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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