She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
