Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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