Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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