i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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