awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
