i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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