Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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