Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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