If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
