She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
