Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
