That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
