im drinking this country out of the recession.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
