So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
