yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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