I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
