At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
