yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
