we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
