So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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