Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
