she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
