he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
