Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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